Gaucho Marks

Recent Posts - page 2

• Prospective Study Abroad Student Learns That ‘NorCal’ Is Not a Foreign Country

  By gauchomarks on February 10, 2016

  

  Last Wednesday, when turning in his application to study abroad next year, second year Environmental Studies major George Benise discovered that his prospective host country, “NorCal,” was, in fact, not a country at all. He was shocked to find that… Read More ›

• The Daily Nexus has a Nexustential crisis

  By gauchomarks on February 6, 2016

  

  In the offices of the Nexustentialism section of the Daily Nexus, the writers are often plagued by what form of biting satire to write next. However, like all crusading journalists, they sometimes run a bit dry and are flat out… Read More ›

• “Star Wars Hype Tops Sex, Alcohol on List of Fraternity Obsessions”

  By gauchomarks on February 5, 2016

  

  Star Wars, the toy and apparel brand best known for inspiring the film series of the same name, has seen a major resurgence in retail within the past few months thanks to the release of the seventh film in the… Read More ›

• Friendship Manor Deemed “IV-hab” for Those Who Aren’t Ready to Leave Isla Vista

  By gauchomarks on January 28, 2016

  

  Recently, IV’s own retirement home was adapted to house former students who aren’t quite ready to leave our college slum. Now former students are able to stay in IV, so long as they live alongside the elderly in a similar… Read More ›

• Conservative Student Realizes that Biking to Campus Makes Him Environmentally Conscious, Does as Much Damage to Environment as Possible to Compensate

  By gauchomarks on January 20, 2016

  

  On Tuesday, third-year Mechanical Engineering major and self-proclaimed “Republican” (an ineffective portmanteau of Republican and American) Glenn Riley made the horrifying realization that his choice of biking to campus to everyday was in fact environmentally conscious and thus implicitly a… Read More ›

• Man struggles to find out origin of housemates’ inside joke

  By gauchomarks on December 3, 2015

  

  Yesterday, it was reported that Brandon Jacobs, 20, experienced an inside joke that he was not a part of when his housemate Tim Won shouted “That’s how you freebase!” at his other housemate Darren McCarthy, after McCarthy performed an extremely… Read More ›

• Impressionable kid mauled by Arbor tabling

  By gauchomarks on December 3, 2015

  

  Thursday afternoon, a first year student, Arthur Bowman, was mauled on the Arbor. Arthur was walking to the library from his lecture at Campbell Hall when he stopped to listen to someone who had shoved a flyer in his face…. Read More ›

• Future IV Pet Owner already drafting Facebook post looking for adoption

  By gauchomarks on November 30, 2015

  

  Connor Edwards is absolutely prepared to fulfill his two-week long dream of owning a pet husky in his college town of Isla Vista. He took time and care filling out the required paperwork before he could take the dog home. He even… Read More ›

• “Some Guidelines for Appropriate and Inappropriate Sounds to Make in Lecture”

  By gauchomarks on November 24, 2015

  

  With classes now in full swing, it has become fairly apparent in every lecture who the people are that have decided to challenge the widely accepted custom that lecture is a time to shut up and pretend to learn. As… Read More ›

• “Boys will be Boys”, Universe dictates—UCSB Administration’s attempt to remove sexual assault from Greek Life inadvertently separates Time and Space

  By gauchomarks on November 19, 2015

  

  In trying to introduce more specific and strict guidelines for Isla Vista “Themed Gathering” or T.G. parties, UCSB officials in tandem with Sexual Assault awareness groups have unintentionally split Time and Space, and introduced a small wormhole into the Delta… Read More ›

• What People Are Really Doing on their Computers in Class

  By gauchomarks on November 11, 2015

  

  Trying to connect to Wi-Fi Looking at ancestry.com to calculate what fraction Native American they are Reading online horoscopes that say they will lose focus and struggle with work ethic Watching videos of people playing video games Hacking into Russian… Read More ›

• Top Suspect for Isla Vista House Robbery, Sketchy Roommate

  By gauchomarks on November 10, 2015

  

  This past Tuesday afternoon, a call was made to the Isla Vista Foot Patrol claiming that a third-year student, Robert Sutton, had his phone stolen from his home on Abrego road. Upon arriving at the scene, the officers immediately suspected… Read More ›

• Giant Black Cock Somehow Least Offensive Halloween Costume This Year

  By gauchomarks on November 2, 2015

  

  The UC Santa Barbara Department of Sociology published a new study this week detailing the most and least offensive costumes worn by Isla Vista residents over the Halloween weekend, reporting that the costume least likely to offend anybody was, somehow,… Read More ›

• Chancellor Yang to intern Commuting Students in WWII-style internment camps

  By gauchomarks on October 30, 2015

  

  Yesterday at noon, Chancellor Yang announced a new plan effective immediately to set up internment camps for students who commute after concerns that they could turn out to be dirty Out-of-Towners. This is a risk Yang is not willing to… Read More ›

• Ice in Paradise could be the newest hot spot for Isla Vistans, though the interest is going cold

  By gauchomarks on October 29, 2015

  

  Ice in Paradise, Goleta’s newest ice skating rink, is much like the ocean for incoming UCSB freshman. Everyone plans on taking a dip with their friends or learning how to surf, but they rarely ever make it to the beach,… Read More ›

• Keystone IV Pipeline to Start Construction alongside Formation of Isla Vista CSD

  By gauchomarks on October 13, 2015

  

  Assembly Bill 3, which aims to establish self-governance in IV, will allow for the board of supervisors to construct an ambitious project aimed at providing all residential and business property in Isla Vista with a direct tap to ice cold… Read More ›

• Bernie Sanders Gaining Traction with Fact-Check-Less Online Following

  By gauchomarks on October 12, 2015

  

  This past Wednesday, Vermont Senator and Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders announced that he has raised more than $24 million (or, as Sanders put it, 2.4 billion pennies because “every bit counts”) in campaign donations. Although still behind in national… Read More ›

• “So Blessed To Have Spent 4 Years Here At The Beach” Says Outgoing Senior Tanya Hernandez, Who Went Stand-Up Paddle Boarding Once While At UCSB

  By gauchomarks on June 14, 2015

  

  In celebration of her graduation this afternoon, Tanya Hernandez changed her cover photo on Facebook last night at 11:53 PM to an image of Coal Oil Point at sunset, with the caption “So blessed to have spent 4 years here at this… Read More ›

• Caitlyn Jenner Gains Approval Of Trans Community By Throwing Shade In Spelling Name With A ‘C’ Instead of ‘K’

  By gauchomarks on June 2, 2015

  

  The trans community has responded to former-Olympian Caitlyn Jenner’s announcement of her new chosen name with near unanimous approval. Many believe Jenner’s name choice to be a pointed jab at the women of the Kardashian/Jenner family, whose names all begin with… Read More ›

• I.V. Residents Overwhelmingly Agree, “Baltimore Rioters Should Learn To Respect Property”

  By gauchomarks on June 2, 2015

  

  Isla Vista residents and students have never been shy to speak up when it comes to current hot-button issues, and the recent and ongoing tumult in Baltimore, Maryland is no exception. We interviewed a handful of I.V. residents and students… Read More ›

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