At 3:00 PM (PST) today, UCSB Comparative Literature major Christine Morgan was assigned to read a 128-page electronic document by her TA. Upon opening it, she found that the text was obscured by (1) poor copying, (2) past note-taking, (3) admin and government censorship, (4) chemical burns, (5) file corruption, and (6) unfathomable horrors from beyond, the likes of which humanity cannot comprehend. On top of all of that, the text was written in a 13th-century English dialect, despite being written in the Year of our Lord, 2022.

The TA who assigned the document in question–who shall remain nameless for legal reasons–has been flooded with complaints of inaccessibility, incompatibility with Windows, eye fatigue, and damaging telepathic and psychokinetic effect on the human brain. They have since not been answered, with only an “Oh. – Sent from my iPhone” in response.