Charlie Kirk Apologizes for “Messy” UCSB Appearance

Charlie Kirk says "socialism" is to blame for momentary loss of rectal control.

Attendees and protesters alike were shocked and appalled last night when Kirk ended the event early due to an “accident” occurring on stage.

Clean up crews were quickly rushed to the scene to mitigate the ungodly smell as the audience rushed to evacuate the venue. “It almost smells as bad as the lagoon!” one attendee was heard saying as he stumbled out and promptly began vomiting into a planter.

Kirk was reportedly seen leaving Campbell Hall out the back door, ushered into a limousine by security personnel holding diapers and wipes at the ready.