As millions of Americans are showering their loved ones with flowers, chocolates, and cute little rhymes for Valentine’s Day, Jachary Sins, a fourth-year undergrad at UCSB, is hoping that his dick is a sufficient enough gift for his girlfriend. “Yeah,… Read More ›
Donald Trump recently agreed to undergo a thorough psychological evaluation last month at the hands of psychologist Seamus Lyer. Dr. Lyer released a statement stating that Mr. Trump “is so psychologically sound that he could go as high as 150… Read More ›
All hope is not lost! Gaucho Marks is proud to report that in 2017, you can still FEEL THE BERN. We all thought that Bernie Sanders’s had no chance of becoming President in 2017. His loss to Clinton in Democratic… Read More ›
We at Gaucho Marks would like to, with the utmost humility, apologize. Today, in the dawn of Trump’s America, we would like to apologize for what we see as our greatest folly. In the last few months, and in the… Read More ›
Earlier today, hundreds of Gauchos staged a walk out out of their classrooms in order to protest the Presidential Inauguration of Donald Trump. 5th year Political Science major Chet Miller: “Yes, I walked out of my noon Poli-Sci section today…. Read More ›
According to sources close to both organizations, the Illuminati and the Santa Barbara County Democrats (along with the UCSB Campus Democrats) have partnered up to increase civic enfranchisement in Isla Vista for the November election. The Isla Vista-centered measures and… Read More ›
Finding that special someone is not easy. For years, couples have been searching for love on the Internet, but many never thought to look in the one place where people are truly themselves: The comment section of Donald Trump… Read More ›
As a certified gender-sensitivity consultant who had spent years developing tactful ways to congratulate women that he wasn’t quite sure were pregnant, local dad Justin DeNile was recently devastated to discover that his only son, Timmy, wasn’t gay after he… Read More ›
ISLA VISTA, CA – Amid recent talks of moving Isla Vista’s weekend sound ordinance from 12 a.m to 10 p.m. — a decision that would signal an early end for parties featuring DJs, bands, or otherwise loud music — Gaucho… Read More ›
SANTA BARBARA, CA – Saying that their sex life had waned in past months due to dread over the future of their country and potential future heads of government, local college students Katie Haskins, 21, and Rob Ellis, 20, stated… Read More ›
In an attempt to one-up Bernie Sanders, who appeared on-screen to introduce Run the Jewels at weekend one of Coachella, Hillary Clinton made a physical appearance at weekend 2 of the festival. Clinton’s helicopter touched down in Indio early Friday… Read More ›
SEVILLE RD. – Thousands of Bay Area pilgrims descended on Seville Road Monday to witness the opening of the 25th location of Ike’s Love and Sandwiches, run by Ike Shehadeh, their fearless leader dressed in a traditional buckled pilgrim… Read More ›
In an effort to get students off the street for Deltopia, the University hosted its second annual Warm Up concert with headliner “Grouplove”. However, when hundreds of scantily-clad UCSB students arrived at the Thunderdome on Saturday night hoping to partake… Read More ›
Since the NCAA basketball tournament is approaching, Donald Trump decided to make his own bracket for the presidential race.
The Big Short— You think it’s important for people to have a better understanding of the 2008 financial crisis, and you learned so much about journalism from Anchorman, so this is really the perfect film. Bridge of Spies— You were… Read More ›
I.V.-based band Beach Words are playing a show this Saturday at a house on the 66 block of Trigo and they would very much like you to attend. In fact, this has been their main focus for the past few… Read More ›
In early February, A.S. parties decided to change their names as well as create a new party. OPP decided to split into Bipartisan Demagogic Silent Majority (BDSM) and National Semantic Federalist Workers (NSFW), where DP changed their name to Outspoken… Read More ›
This year, Valentine’s Day falls on the three-day weekend of Presidents’ Day. While this is generally cause for celebration amongst couples, it has resulted in an uncomfortable situation for first year Biology major Ollie Sampson, who now feels obligated to… Read More ›
Last Wednesday, when turning in his application to study abroad next year, second year Environmental Studies major George Benise discovered that his prospective host country, “NorCal,” was, in fact, not a country at all. He was shocked to find that… Read More ›
