Netflix Acquires Gaucho Marks in $2.8T Deal

After a disappointing Fall 2021 quarter with half a digital magazine, fans were left wondering who was behind the scenes of the once-beloved indie darling Gaucho Marks. After 10 Editors-in-chief and one unforgiving Chancellor, fans saw the eccentric one-stop-shop for edgy UCSB satire become an unfamiliar wasteland, just like the rest of life in our post-Avengers: Endgame America. 

As the COVID-19 pandemic struck, Gaucho Marks’ creative output began dragging to a halt; with campus life going into hibernation, it seemed as though there was nothing left to poke fun at. To make the matter worse, their editor-in-chief had briefly abandoned his staff to attend a “Study-a-Broad” program, leaving the writing staff left to fend for themselves while fans wondered if the magazine would ever recover.

“I ate a ‘California-style’ burrito, it tasted like water and gave me the shits for a week. Why don’t you try being funny in these kind of conditions?”

Adam Fagenson, Editor-in-Chief

However, rumors of a novel concept began circulating online, and it now seems to hold truth: Netflix has bought Gaucho Marks in a $2.8 trmillion deal, set to begin shooting a new series based on the magazine’s “behind the zines, geddit” turmoil in the coming months. Gaucho Marks asked Netflix’s CCO and other journalistic associates to weigh in on what’s to come:

“I’m very excited to see where this deal takes us. I mean, Gaucho Marks. It’s a play on the comedian Groucho Marx, and their mascot The Gaucho! Bloody brilliant stuff. Can’t wait.”

Ted Sarandos, Netflix Chief Content Officer

“Who?” 

Penelope Church, Second Year Economics Major

“Does this mean we’re getting paid?” 

Derek Mejia, University Editor

With this next evolution in streaming and magazine conglomerates, new challenges may arise. How limited will its content be? Can they discuss politics yet? How loyal will the show be to the source material? Can they fart in their new office space? How does a satire magazine become a show? Why does a multibillion-dollar streaming corporation find any interest in some college satire magazine? 

Though much remains unanswered, we will thus provide a full cast list from our executive producer; despite his efforts to pull us out of his bedroom with his dry, dry fingers, executive producer Jon Favreau wrote down the show’s cast on a wet, wet napkin, just for us:

  • Chris “It’s-a-me, Garfield” Pratt as Adam Fagenson, Editor in Chief
  • Idris “Whadda Hunk” Elba as Derek Mejia, Editor
  • John “I’m John Stamos!” Stamos as Thomas Negundan, Editor
  • Donald “Childish Gambino?” Glover as Brenden Cordonero, Editor
  • Anya “Still Cocky About Queen’s Gambit” Taylor Joy as Jennifer Phung, Publicist
  • Jennifer “Cast Me, Please” Lawrence as Linda Qiu, Editor; Artist
  • Zoe “Not a Green Person” Saldana as Liz, Writer; Artist
  • Harrison Ford as Chancellor Henry T. Yang
  • Lin Manuel Miranda as “The Gaucho”

In an interview with Donald Glover in the Burbank Chili’s, the actor shared a few words regarding the first season for the upcoming, untitled “Gaucho Marks” project:

“Please stop harassing my family. I get your calls and ignore them for a fucking reason.”

Donald Glover, star of “Gaucho Marks” series

We followed him to the parking lot:

“It’s a cinema verité take on the inner workings of Gaucho Marks. They brainstorm articles mostly, don’t get around to writing most of them, but they get heated when somebody finally brings up poop. There you go, piss off.”

Fans will be happy to know that the cast of the upcoming show is just as excited as we are. Take a look inside the Gaucho Marks crew and see if you have what it takes to write with the big guys on Netflix, streaming in August of 2022.