With its 52-point slaughter of State on Saturday, the UCSB Argentinean Cowboys clinched a berth in the Second Annual Activia for Men Fiber Yogurt Bowl. The matchup against Tech in Sacramento this January will mark the first bowl game appearance in 83 years for UCSB, dating back to the Argentinean Cowboys’ participation in 1929’s prestigious Lucky Strike Healthy Tobacco and Segregation Bowl.
Head Coach “Roulette Reese” Millahan seemed elated that his beloved UCSB football program is finally receiving the credit he thinks it deserves. “Hell, I think it’s great,” said Millahan. “I’ve got so many bets on this game I could forget who I’m rootin’ for!”
Going into Saturday’s game, the Cowboys knew that a win would put them in a position to make the Yogurt Bowl, and that a tie would only permit them a berth in either the Doritos Orange Cheese Flavoring Powder Residual On Your Fingertips And Teeth Bowl, or the Hostess Just Plain Lard Bowl. A loss would knock them down to contention for the We Swear to God over Our Grandmother’s Grave That It’s Not Delivery But Rather DiGiorno Bowl, which usually takes place between the varsity and junior varsity basketball teams at Stockton High School in Stockton, California.
The bowl circuit is an entirely new sensation to Argentinean Cowboy Quarterback Kevin Mitchum, who announced plans to partake in bowl-themed festivities with his teammates.
“We’re all getting bowl-cuts,” said Mitchum. “It’s kind of like how some teams will shave their heads to show unity, except with us there’s less symbolism, and we’ll all look like Macaulay Culkin before he got into coke.”
He later clarified, “That’s not to say that none of us are into coke.”
2012’s First Annual Activia for Men Fiber Yogurt Bowl was a hard-fought and muddy battle between State and A&M, which ultimately ended in an overtime field goal by State. “The first Yogurt Bowl was a success,” said Activia Spokesperson Bob Duke. “But here at Activia, we’re even more excited about how number two’s going to come out.”