Kanye West and Kim Kardashian to Co-Produce Baby

   In what some are calling the greatest superstar collaboration since Paul McCartney and Waka Flocka Flame, Kanye West and his longtime girlfriend, Kim Kardashian, announced their plan to co-produce a child yesterday. The couple, who have been openly dating since March, have never worked together before, leaving predictions regarding the baby’s quality and content high up in the air.

“On paper, it’s a brilliant combination,” said Entertainment Weekly columnist Jared Pasch. “Kanye brings to the table a perfectionist drive and immense skill with wordplay and production, while Kim K has a badonkadonk that could stop a tank, which any baby would be lucky to have.”

While West and Kardashian will handle most of the production duties, the baby will reportedly feature guest spots by Lil’ Wayne, Kid Cudi, Frank Ocean, Justin Bieber, Bjork, and Bruce Jenner, among other artists. When asked about his technical approach to the production, West announced that he will experiment with eugenics; or, as he calls it, Auto-Gene.

“This is my first baby, and I want it to be perfect, so Kim and I are taking complete control over its development,” said West to reporters last night. “It’s going to be a boy, so he can grow up and marry Blue Ivy one day, and he’s going to have sixteen fingers, so he can play the piano real good.”

“He’s also going to have gold skin,” added West. “I’ve always wanted a gold baby.”

West’s enthusiasm for the production is matched by Kardashian’s enthusiasm for its documentation. The executive producers of “Keeping up with the Kardashian’s” have announced a spinoff series, to be called “Kim and Kanye’s Nativity Story” which will feature a behind the scenes look at the baby’s development, featuring interviews from both producers, their family and friends, and the fetus itself.

“Having watched my younger sisters grow up under the immense scrutiny of cameramen, TV producers, and millions of clearly jealous viewers, I feel that documenting and broadcasting every moment of the baby’s life, from conception to birth and years afterward, will ultimately help it achieve as much as its parents have,” said Kim Kardashian while filming the pilot for the upcoming series. “I just want what’s best for the baby.”

What’s best for the baby, according to some fans, would be its immediate abortion. UCSB third year Andrea Vicks sees the announcement of Kim and Kanye’s upcoming collaboration as the kind of self-aggrandizing publicity stunt typical of its producers.

“It seems to me that Kim and Kanye don’t really care about what this baby would mean to their fans,” said a visibly furious Vicks. “Just because they are both incredibly talented and interesting people doesn’t mean that they can just do whatever they want with their baby without considering their fans’ reaction.”

“That baby is just as much ours as it is theirs,” added Vicks.

Kardashian and West’s baby is slated for a September 2013 release, but given West’s history of retouching his work at the last minute, its birth may be pushed back several months.

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