Recently, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have made unprecedented waves by publicly stepping back, essentially separating themselves from the British Royal Family. Since the announcement, dozens of “Close Family Friends” are sneaking sound bites to intrepid reporters in hushed tones whispered between 20 second calls on burner phones at 3am. The Public is dissecting the Queen’s driving prowess alongside talk show hosts from morning to late late late night, yet:
I don’t care that Madame Tussauds removed Meghan and Harry from their British Royals Collection. I don’t care that Meghan eats avocado toast. I don’t care that Meghan might have a voice-over role in a Disney project. I don’t care that Harry was offered a part time job at Burger King over Twitter.
I don’t care that it was most likely Meghan’s idea to leave in the first place. I don’t care about the negative press the Royal Family is recieving because they’re toxic as fuck. I don’t care that Harry doesn’t confide in his brother William. I don’t care that they were really close once and now it’s likely that they don’t talk anymore.
I don’t care that the Queen called an emergency meeting with the entire Royal Family EXCEPT for Meghan. I don’t care that Meghan didn’t call in to that emergency meeting as was apparently previously discussed. I don’t care that the Queen looks hilarious in That One Clip that slows down to really focus on her face. I don’t care that the Queen’s statement after the meeting was unusually warm, unsettlingly honest, and weirdly personal. I don’t care that the Queen used Meghan and Harry’s actual names instead of only their titles in that statement. I don’t care about what exact steps the Royal Family may or may not have taken to welcome Meghan into the family since her marriage to Harry.
I don’t care about the dynamics of Meghan and Harry’s relationship as a couple. I don’t care that Meghan and Harry are moving to Canada. I don’t care about how the couple will adjust to “normal life.” I don’t care about how Harry might miss being in Europe or whatever. I don’t care about if they’ll ever reverse their decision. I don’t care about how they’ll choose to raise their Royal Baby. I don’t care that Royal Baby Archie might have a Canadian accent because he’ll grow up in Canada. I don’t care about whether he’s called Royal Baby Archie or just Baby Archie or just Archie. I don’t care if and/or when the couple have another baby.
I don’t care that I stayed up several nights in a row diving headfirst into tabloid headlines about the Royals. I don’t care that I got lost in the Meghan and Harry Youtube video algorithm for hours on end. I don’t care that I feel like I can confidently speak in a British accent now. I don’t care that I probably still can’t. I don’t care that I can’t do it; I’ll bloody do it anyway. Smashing, bugger, rat arse, bollocks, wanker, twat, and shite.