Betelgeuse, a star most notable for his role as Orion’s Left Shoulder, seems to have lost his sparkle for life. Astronaut tabloids, astronomer professors, and magazine columnist astrologers are all speculating about why Betelgeuse has been dim lately. An official statement from Orion says that he and Betelgeuse are and continue to be on good terms since their debut together on the night stage in 327900 BCE. 

“on good terms”

Bellatrix, a former flame and fellow co-star as Orion’s Right Shoulder, cites the star’s history of drug abuse shortly following their split. “It really all went downhill when he found out I left him for Orion,” Bellatrix explains in an exclusive Gaucho Marks interview, “Orion has this major hot and heavy star power that [Betelgeuse] never had, and that pull of being a household name drew me to [Orion].” Betelgeuse’s struggles with stardust have been an open secret among his peers after being leaked by a Comet he spent a romantic evening with. 

“I left him for Orion”

Could the two have had differences of opinion behind the scenes? It’s true, Orion is more recognizable in the sky than Betelgeuse. When asked her thoughts on the matter, Stella “North” Polaris had this to say: “that speck is full of hot gas.” 

“full of hot gas”

Yet, despite everything, our own Gaucho Marks astronomer claims that Betelgeuse is on the road to celebrity. This is the only incident in recent history that both our resident astronomer and astrologer have been in complete agreement. After a long joint session, both agree that Betelgeuse will finally have his fifteen minutes of fame, but will never reach the same high again. Their prediction seems to actually have some truth to it: call it fate, call it luck, but Betelgeuse has made more headlines in the past few days than ever before. This newfound attention has Betelgeuse blushing brighter than my future. 

“brighter than my future”

But how long can this last? Can Betelgeuse handle the pressure of becoming a big, bright star? What will happen when the world can no longer rely on Betelgeuse to be great? Stay informed and follow Gaucho Marks as we publish our follow-up article already titled BetelgeuseBetelgeuseBetelgeuse: Birth and Burnout.