Trump to Drop American Presidency Before Midterm

Trump (ReutersDominick Reuter)
Freshman Donald Trump explains the absence of a powerpoint presentation for his political science class due to deletion by former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. Trump purportedly saved all of his coursework for the class on Clinton’s email server. Reuters

UCSB freshman Donald Trump plans to drop Political Science 157, The American Presidency, before the midterm according to an anonymous source.

Classmates say that Trump has been failing the course from the very beginning. Friends estimate he has completed less than half of the homework assigned. Earlier this quarter, Trump turned in an essay on President John Tyler that read, in its entirety, “LOW ENERGY!”

Trump’s friends express concern that he spends much of his time on Twitter instead of studying. They say he often stays awake past midnight to post incoherent tweets and start online feuds with people he barely knows.

Sources indicate that Trump fears failing The American Presidency, so he hired political science graduate student John Kelly to tutor him. However, he rarely follows Kelly’s advice and consistently forgets to prepare for lectures, another graduate student reports.

Dr. Sarah Nenadovic, who is teaching The American Presidency this quarter, is baffled by Trump’s enrollment in her course.

“I don’t know how he even got into this class,” she stated. “He has not met a single prerequisite for Political Science 157. It’s baffling that he was even admitted to this school.”

“He acts like he doesn’t even want to be here,” added Dr. Nenadovic. Trump’s former classmate Hillary Clinton reports that while she was enrolled in Political Science 157, Trump would spend most classes interrupting Dr. Nenadovic with irrelevant comments and unsuccessfully flirting with fellow student Ivanka Kushner.

A poll conducted by Gaucho Marks indicates that 64% of Trump’s classmates hate his guts, and 59% believe he has a snowball’s chance in hell of passing the midterm.

Furthermore, the Office of Judicial Affairs is reviewing a case against Trump for collusion. A graduate student in the Department of Political Science, who asked to remain anonymous, alleged that Trump is at the center of a cheating ring involving Russian exchange students. Academic adviser Robert Mueller is investigating these claims of academic dishonesty.

When asked for comment, Trump declined to speak on the matter, but he later tweeted, “I am NOT dropping ANY classes this quarter! And I am NOT cheating! Hillary [Clinton] is the REAL cheater! FAKE NEWS!”