A.S. Parties Change Names, Become Unintentionally Sexual

Screen Shot 2016-02-22 at 5.08.28 PM

In early February, A.S. parties decided to change their names as well as create a new party. OPP decided to split into Bipartisan Demagogic Silent Majority (BDSM) and National Semantic Federalist Workers (NSFW), where DP changed their name to Outspoken Totalitarian Progressivists Handling Justice (OTPHJ).

When asked what provoked the name change, one former OPP member, third year biology major James Matthews responded, “The old names seemed a little overzealous, conceited and ya know, bougie, so we decided to change them. The Open People’s Party was open to a lot of crazy ideas, so we ended up with some names that were pretty overtly sexual.” 

In order to choose the new names, the students decided to consult an actual physical dictionary, not just a website, for the first time in their lives in order to find the perfect words to represent their political affiliations. We were assured that the words chosen had real meaning and were not just picked because they sounded sophisticated. Second year economics major Emily Jefferson told us, “We basically just wanted to have really longitudinal words in our names. We spent several hours sober just so that we could read the dictionary and seismologically name our parties. I didn’t know there were so many English words! It’s so… postmodern.” 

“Plus the old abbreviations were a little silly,” Matthews added. “People kept getting DP confused with Del Playa for some reason. Now students have no reason to be confused by these party names because their abbreviations don’t reference anything at all.”