What People Are Really Doing on their Computers in Class

  • Trying to connect to Wi-Fi
  • Looking at ancestry.com to calculate what fraction Native American they are
  • Reading online horoscopes that say they will lose focus and struggle with work ethic
  • Watching videos of people playing video games
  • Hacking into Russian nuclear base
  • Watching Hotline Bling videos
  • Running a One Direction Twitter fan account
  • Selling random parts of a bike on eBay
  • Reading wikihow article “How to convince my black friend I’m not racist”
  • Stalking the professor on Facebook
  • Watching a TED video on paying attention
  • Photoshopping Donald Trump onto pictures of literal douchebags
  • Getting an online degree from Grand Canyon University
  • computerdrone (1)
    Flying a drone in Iraq
  • Watching Kardashian sex tape
  • Reading yahoo answers page “I gave myself a prostate examination… And I got a boner?”
  • Taking a Buzzfeed pregnancy test
  • Ordering food for delivery to Campbell Hall
  • skyping someone who didn’t physically come to class but is actually paying attention
  • Listening to Nicki Minaj’s school pep talk
  • Looking at the transfer requirements for UCLA and UC Berkeley
  • Taking selfies on Photobooth
  • Teaching an online class
  • stalking ex on Facebook to make sure they are having a worse life than you are
  • buying a gun
  • Unblocking the guy that sent them an unwanted dick pic the night before
  • actually looking at the website for that flyer being passed around the lecture hall
  • Disabling the security system of the Koch brother’s house to rob them
  • Playing Sims 4
  • Making a sick beat with recording of people coughing in class
  • Anonymously starting a fight online to compensate for their inferior penis size
  • Reading Zola’s story
  • Going on Tumblr and hoping porn doesn’t pop up on their dashboard
  • Watching porn
  • Updating software that takes the entire lecture time
  • Watching puppy videos and crying
  • Buying industrial size packages of tortillas
  • Writing an essay on why straight white male upper class Christian republicans are the most oppressed people in America
  • Writing Poot Lovato’s Wikipedia page
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