9 Reasons Why the Raccoon Is a Better Mascot than the Gaucho

Raccoon mascot
The Gaucho, left, has been UCSB’s mascot since 1936. A grassroots movement to replace The Gaucho with the Racoon, right, has begun on the UCSB meme page.

 Over the past few days, a grassroots movement to change UCSB’s mascot from the Gaucho to the Raccoon has emerged on UCSB’s Facebook meme page, “UCSB Trashy Meme Cuisine for Furry Teens.” What was once a jest became 100 percent serious when students started a petition and a mockup of a logo to replace the Gaucho. Some members of the Gaucho Marks editorial staff support this movement, even though Raccoon Marks wouldn’t have quite the same ring to it. Here are 9 reason why:

  1. The Gaucho is cultural appropriation. Despite using an Argentine cowboy as its mascot and profiting off of it, UCSB makes no attempt to honor Argentine culture. It’s 2018, people! How are we letting them get away with this?
  2. Raccoons are cute and cuddly. There’s nothing more relaxing than, after a long day of not paying attention in class, coming home and hugging your friendly neighborhood raccoon.
  3. On the other hand, they can be totally badass! Raccoons may look cute, but they can fuck you up. They have razor-sharp teeth and wolverine-like claws, and they’re not afraid to use them. If we make the Raccoon our mascot, all other sports teams will fear us! Remember those sports teams we have?
  4. Gauchos are Argentine. Argentina is five thousand miles away from UCSB.
  5. Raccoons actually live here. The raccoon is one of the few mammals indigenous to the Santa Barbara area. There is no better way to honor our ecological heritage than to make the Raccoon UCSB’s official mascot.
  6. How awesome would it be if we had a live raccoon at soccer games? It would be hilarious to watch a raccoon running around the field at halftime. Bonus: we could train it to bite our rival teams (probably).
  7. Raccoons embody UCSB. Raccoons eat garbage, stay up all night, and fuck like rabbits. Sound like anyone you know?
  8. What have Gauchos ever done for us? That’s right: nothing.
  9. One time during an LSD trip, I watched a raccoon devour a Gaucho and then grow ten feet tall. The giant raccoon spoke to me and said that his species will one day inherit the earth. I invite all of IV to join me in a new cult religion and worship our new leaders. The Raccoon is our destiny, Gauchos!