Halloween Safety Tips

Regina (Graucho) Marks
Seen on the Del Playa. Paramount Pictures

Isla Vistans are shotgunning a record number of beers in celebration of Halloween weekend (note to can fairies: check Sabado). With noise ordinances lifted, all cops road tripping to Compton, and the perpetually sold out Halloween concert fast approaching, Halloween is set to be the best yet. Except for all of the cars parked on Del Playa. Those side mirrors are not going to make it to November.

We at Gaucho Marks have compiled the best Halloweekend tips in one place, so you can avoid all of the shame that comes with wearing a sexy cat costume.

  1. On Tuesday, October 31st, wear your Halloween costume to class for extra credit. All of your professors got the memo. Trust us.
  2. A reminder to all underage freshman picking up alcohol for your dorm rager: the best place to use your fake is at your friendly neighborhood CVS (between midnight and 2 a.m.). Bring all of your underage friends in the car with you because their moral support will be critical considering all the undercover cops that hang there. C’mon, you know this. You all went to Gaucho FYI.
  3. Sorority girls (lookin’ at you, Alpha Phi): cultural appropriation is in this year, so don’t be afraid if the cops pull you over because they think you’re a minority. Everyone loves a slutty Pocahontas. #squadghouls #brave
  4. This year, there is no noise ordinance, so keep playing music until at least 3 a.m. to avoid public humiliation and police interference. Officer Joker, the only cop staying in town, said, “I’ll give tickets if you’re not still getting freaky past midnight, especially if your theme isn’t OJ Simpson. This is his comeback year.” Del Playa residents, party on—and don’t forget to invite strangers and out-of-towners to ensure no fines from your landlord.
  5. A final reminder to all resident party animals: Be careful of the boys dressed as frat guys. They’re actually not in costume.