UCSB Students Mistake “Grouplove” for Massive Orgy

grouplove gaucho

In an effort to get students off the street for Deltopia, the University hosted its second annual Warm Up concert with headliner “Grouplove”. However, when hundreds of scantily-clad UCSB students arrived at the Thunderdome on Saturday night hoping to partake in a massive orgy, it became apparent that they had misinterpreted exactly what “Grouplove” was.

“I don’t listen to hipster and indie stuff, so I had no idea that Grouplove was a band,” said third year Economics major, Brad McIntyre. “I was really excited that AS Program Board was putting on this event, and I came here expecting an intricate webcam setup, casting couches, and some sexy porn stars with loveable jugs.”

Brad proceeded to scratch vigorously at his crotchless leather pants, complaining, “They can’t just lead us on like this. I dressed to the nines tonight because I heard Pornhub was sending scouts here tonight. I can’t walk on DP dressed like I’m auditioning for a D.P. scene. This is bullshit!”

“I totally thought ‘Tongue Tied’ and ‘Itchin’ on a Photograph’ were innuendos for eating a girl out,” added McIntyre’s fraternity brother, Josh Rollins. “I ate a ton of bananas to prepare myself for that tonight. Now I’m gonna be puking bananas all morning for nothing.”

According to attendees of The Warm Up, hundreds of dejected students walked out of the Thunderdome around 10:30 PM right at the moment they realized that Grouplove was a band.

 

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