Giant Black Cock Somehow Least Offensive Halloween Costume This Year

dick costume

The UC Santa Barbara Department of Sociology published a new study this week detailing the most and least offensive costumes worn by Isla Vista residents over the Halloween weekend, reporting that the costume least likely to offend anybody was, somehow, a gigantic black cock.

The study showed that out of thousands of outfits worn in Isla Vista this weekend, the throbbing, erect penis of an African American man was far and away the most politically correct costume leading researchers saw.

“We ran the numbers several times just to make sure we didn’t make a mistake, but there’s no doubt about it,” said Professor Gary Schulman, who observed and recorded over 7,000 costumes throughout the weekend. “The kid who dressed up as a huge black dick was the most sensitive, socially conscious person in all of Isla Vista.”

The student who wore the giant black cock suit, sophomore Danny Traeger, was shocked to hear that his outfit was, inexplicably, the most considerate and nondiscriminatory costume worn in Isla Vista. “I’ve always been a pretty progressive guy,” said Traeger, who was seen this weekend referring to himself as “Mandingo” and shouting “where the white women at?” to everybody who saw him in costume. “It’s definitely a huge honor to be the most sensitive student in our school, and I just hope I can set a good example for my peers.” Traeger, a white man, reportedly painted his face and hands to match the rest of the costume.

Despite the giant black cock suit’s definitive status as the least offensive costume seen this weekend, Schulman’s team reported that the most offensive costume was far more difficult to qualify given the large number of candidates.

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