Ice in Paradise could be the newest hot spot for Isla Vistans, though the interest is going cold

ice skater

Ice in Paradise, Goleta’s newest ice skating rink, is much like the ocean for incoming UCSB freshman. Everyone plans on taking a dip with their friends or learning how to surf, but they rarely ever make it to the beach, let alone go in the water once they get there. Ice in Paradise figured that if they froze the water, more people would go into it, or on-to in it in this case.

Despite the ingenuity of the idea, the frozen paradise is being treated like most other planned events here at UCSB; it’s unattended. It’s not that everyone is turning their back on Ice in Paradise, the students even make a genuine effort in planning to go. They have reported considering the right time to go, which people to go with, and how many drinks they should have beforehand; “I figure I’d wanna be sober enough to stand up, but drunk enough to forget how fruity ice skating is,” said DTD sophomore Evan Johnson.  Even with all of this enthusiasm, when time comes for students to leave IV for the rink, they can’t seem to make it past FT. 
They’re too stoned. They have homework. They haven’t even gone to the beach this month, and that’s only a block away. And free.

I got an exclusive interview with Ivan, the Zamboni operator of Ice in Paradise, who is very frustrated with the lack of attendance; 
“We can’t keep up with the beach” he said with a visible red nose burn and surf tan. 
I asked him what his plans were to bring in the coveted IV crowd, and he responded promptly with a plan and graph, 
“We’re trying to get our alcohol license. Rum Froyo is our best shot at attracting Isla Vistans at the moment. If that doesn’t pan out, we might start dumping sand onto the ice.” 
To some, Ivan’s worry may seem drastic and premature, but when you’re spending half a million dollars a week to keep an ice rink frozen in the middle of Goleta, all bets are off unless you’re turning a profit. 
“As ironic as it sounds, we’re trying to keep our assets from being frozen,” said Ivan with a shrug as he began pouring watered down Captain Morgan into a vat of cheap frozen yogurt labeled “Gauchos Only”.

Graph provided by Ivan, the Zamboni operator

It’s been over a month since the start of school, and despite Ice in Paradise recently getting their alcohol license, Rum Froyo sits melting.