ISLA VISTA , CA— Hastily throwing away a weeks worth of take-out containers and drawing back the curtains for the first time in months, 21-year-old Isla Vista resident Jason Harron told reporters on Saturday, “I had felt sort of left out of social stuff in my friend group lately. Chad and Eric decided to live just the two of them this year, and I’m in a studio, it’s been a little lonely. But today I’ve had at least fifteen people ask me to hang out and watch the fight.”

Harron, a computer science major with a propensity for finding proxies, had the only strong streaming connection to watch the Mayweather vs.Pacquiao fight on the entire 66 block of Sabado. Upon learning this, twenty or so screaming Gauchos, most of whom Harron had met at least once before, swarmed to the small studio apartment. Sweating profusely, Harron sits on the floor, his view impeded by Sean Alridge, a friend-of-a-friend of Harron, and beams at the reporter. “I guess I was just being insecure and a little paranoid when my friends wouldn’t text me back these past four months. It’s clear now I had nothing to worry about.” Later we caught up with 20-year-old Alridge to get his perspective on the fight. “I dunno,” he sighed, “there could’ve been way more action and bloodshed. I’m not sure if it was worth it… Now we’re gonna have to invite Jason to go on the Landshark with us and probably a bunch more parties with the homies after that. The dude can’t take a hint.”