Last Sunday, sophomore Andrew Trunell experienced feelings of extreme triumph and pride after successfully refraining from wishing his childhood bully a happy birthday on Facebook. Managing to avoid compelling temptations, such as a notification from Facebook reminding him that it was indeed Brian Prescott, otherwise known as Satan 2.0’s, birthday, as well as lingering traces of Stockholm Syndrome and a resilient fear of Prescott, Trunell truly felt like he had put his demons in the past. After what sources say was a solid thirty minutes of deliberation and hyperventilation, Trunell managed to successfully close the Facebook tab on his laptop and move on with his day. “Once I finished blocking out the traumatic memories of Brian calling me a ‘pussy’ and pantsing me in front of all my classmates, it was a piece of cake,” Trunell remarked, adding that he immediately felt a satisfaction in having “finally showed that douchebag who’s boss.” Years of revenge fantasies reportedly dissipated right before Trunell’s eyes as he deliberately chose not to take part in the culturally-expected tradition of imparting kind regards on Prescott on the day of his birth. Frankie Gomez, a close childhood friend of Trunell’s and yet another victim of Prescott’s schoolyard bullying, expressed extreme jealousy at Trunell’s heroic act of defiance and retaliation, stating that “he hopes to one day be able to do the same.”

When asked to comment, Prescott, who had just returned from his 21st party on Del Playa, responded “…Sorry, who?”

Following the incident, sources confirm that Trunell rewarded himself by taking an extra 1.5 mg of Xanax before settling nicely into a night of playing Defense of the Ancients, or DoTa, the popular mutiplayer computer game.