Rookie Patrol Officer Drunk With Power After Only Three MIP’s

Officer JensonWhile supervising revelers on Del Playa drive last Friday, greenhorn Isla Vista Foot Patrol officer Daniel Jensen became intoxicated on his own power after administering only three minor-in-possession tickets to inebriated students. The officer, who previously admitted to having rarely given MIPs “except a few times with [his] buddies,” celebrated his first Halloween weekend beat with several officers, who “wouldn’t stop pushing drunk kids into my hands.” “[Officer Jensen] seemed fine after the first two write-ups, but once he nailed that sophomore for carrying an open handle of Taka, he went fucking nuts,” said Sergeant Gary Zinn, boasting that he himself needs at least five MIP’s just to feel “kind of tipsy” on the adrenaline rush of law enforcement. “He looked so adorable telling kids to respect his authority ‘or else’ and screaming ‘I am the law!’ at everybody who walked by. It made me a little nostalgic for my rookie days, I tell ya.” At press time, Officer Jensen was reportedly nursing a power hangover by directing some light traffic.