Freshman in Triple Walks in on Both Roommates Masturbating

While returning from his Intro to Science class today, freshman Classics major Derek Walton entered his San Nicolas triple dorm room to discover both of his roommates, Ryan Nolan and Jake Goldman, simultaneously masturbating. Walton told reporters that while he has walked in on each of his roommates masturbating before on separate occasions, this marked the first time he had ever witnessed the two eighteen year olds satisfying themselves mere feet away from each other. “Right when I walked in the door, Ryan pulled his shirt over his lap real quick while Jake jumped out of his chair and into his closet,” said Walton, “That’s when I saw that Jake had been watching some weird Canadian porn and Ryan was just looking through some beach pictures of a girl on our floor. It was awkward.” When reached for comment, both Nolan and Goldman denied masturbating and made sure to remind Walton that next time he should fucking knock, man.

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