In a stunning first, actor and former NASA scientist, Matthew McConaughey has entered a black hole for the second time in humanity. As anyone with a phone or access to technology will tell you, the scientists of NASA and the world have not only discovered a black hole at the center of our galaxy, but also recruited the only man for the job. A picture of the cosmic phenomenon has been rendered by super-duper-extra-special telescopes, but that isn’t enough for tall, white, and sometimes attractive man, Matthew McConaughey. In an interview with CNN, McConaughey stated, “There’s something out there. Mankind is destined for glory, and I’m gonna touch the face of God.”

 

There is no telling what McConaughey will find, or what will find McConaughey on one of the most literally impossible human endeavours ever embarked upon. But you, the audience can be assured that as a publication, Gaucho Marks stakes all of its credibility on this event.

 

When asked about a potential return date, McConaughey said with tears streaming down his face, “I’m coming back.”
Gaucho Marks magazine will continue to report on this issue as soon as McConaughey reports back to us (though we are unsure that he feels beholden to anybody).