’69 Love Songs’ Still the Best Soundtrack for Your Valentine’s Day

381da8e007594c4ccca55d327bfa6b78 — Masterpiece.

With Valentine’s Day quickly, but definitely not prematurely, approaching, I’m sure many of you out there are combing frantically through your Spotify non-Premium for the perfect soundtrack to the international day of very unplatonic love. Well, fret no more, my friends, because I’m here to tell you that, as always, the only Valentine’s playlist you’ll ever need is 69 Love Songs by The Magnetic Fields. Because really, what else is it gonna be? Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) by Slipknot? No way! Can’t do that again. That’d be crazy….

Let me paint you a picture here: you’re out with your S.O. on V-Day. You’ve got an amazing day planned: maybe a fancy dinner, maybe a moonlit walk to somewhere special, maybe just a quiet night in (wink!).

Whatever’s on the docket, you can trust that The Magnetic Fields have you covered. “Absolutely Cuckoo” isn’t just the perfect album opener; it’s the perfect lovably self-deprecating opener to your whole Valentine’s Day. If you’re sweetheart is a bit of a hipster, “Love is Like a Bottle of Gin” will provide the perfect backing for waxing cynical about how overrated love is, all the while knowing contentedly how deeply in love the two of you are. And “Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing”? With that song playing in the background, you’ll think Stephin Merritt was singing about you two!

There’s simply no other album in popular music that could even come close to this level of romance. Sure, “Vermillion” on Slipknot’s Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) really tugs at the heartstrings. And who among us hasn’t cried to “The Blister Exists”? But Slipknot still comes in second to The Magnetic Fields. A close second, though. Real close.

Even in terms of quantity, the beautiful, epic, 3-CD-long scope of 69 Love Songs is enough to backlight your entire romantic day. What would Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) by Slipknot get you? An hour max, with no skips. Not that anyone would skip any of those songs; that album is A-grade nu-metal from front to back.

For an extra element of romantic surprise, consider putting The Magnetic Fields’ album on shuffle. Ranging from quirky to achingly beautiful, every track is a gem and they hold up in any order. And you know you’ll both be waiting for that sweet, heartbeat-skipping moment when “The Book of Love” comes on.

Just make sure you don’t shuffle your whole library. You don’t wanna risk one of those Vol. 3: (The Subliminal Verses) songs coming on by mistake. Trust me. I once tried getting intimate with a lady friend of mine while “Pulse of the Maggots” was playing in the background, and, let me tell you, she was not having it. Clearly more of an All Hope is Gone type of girl, and I can respect that.

Now, I understand that, while my opinions are objectively correct, some of you may not feel quite the same as I do, so, in the interest of being comprehensive, I’ve compiled a Top Ten Valentine’s Day Albums list. As a disclaimer, I can of course only speak to the albums that I’ve heard, but I’m confident that the scope of my musical knowledge should be enough for even the most discerning fan.

Top Ten Valentine’s Day Albums: