Foreign Student Entertains Cop With Funny Name

While awaiting a minor-in-possession ticket on Sabado Tarde Road last Saturday evening, UCSB foreign exchange student Mohammed Karim el-Amin reportedly entertained Isla Vista Foot Patrol officers with his extremely silly name.

The 21-year-old Saudi Arabian immigrant was caught carrying an open container of Stolichnaya vodka by officers who later described his name as “fucking priceless” upon reading it from his student visa. Officer Jason Newell of the IVFP, who administered el-Amin’s ticket, told reporters that seeing the student’s utterly ridiculous name was the highlight of what was otherwise a very uneventful evening.

“I was having a pretty boring night, just grabbing drunk kids as they passed me, nothing special,” said Officer Newell, a 25-year-old rookie who was transferred to the IVFP by the Oakland Police Department after using excessive force on a black suspect. “Then Mohammed al-Osama—or whatever—came along and totally made my night with that hilarious name of his.”

“It’s like something out of a Dr. Suess book,” added Newell, chuckling.

After laughing heartily at “Mohammed,” which is one of the most common names in the world according to The Columbia Encyclopedia, Newell reportedly moved on to el-Amin’s surname, one that translates to “the trustworthy” in Arabic, saying that he “didn’t think it could get any funnier after the Mohammed part.” Newell then called over a few of his fellow officers and showed them el-Amin’s identification, prompting the group of professional law enforcement officials to guffaw hysterically at what they called “the most ludicrous string of gibberish [they] had ever seen.”

“I mean, what kind of parent gives their kid such a stupid name?” asked Sergeant Ignatius Widdershins III, Newell’s supervising officer during the arrest. “It’s like they were hoping he would get his ass kicked in school. No wonder he ended up becoming a troublemaker.”

“Still,” continued Widdershins III, “that name is pure comedy gold.”

The officers released el-Amin after filling out his MIP ticket and asking if he “ever met Borat,” a reference to the fictional Kazakh character played by comedian Sacha Baron Cohen. When reached for comment following the incident, el-Amin responded with passive indifference to the officer’s amusement with his name, adding that he “gets this shit all of the time.”