New, Mysterious Letter Added to LGBQTIA Acronym

Top-Gay            There’s a new underrepresented sexuality in town and its name is, well, we’re not really sure. As the campaign for LGBQTIA (lesbian, gay, bisexual, queer/questioning, transgender/transsexual, intersex, ally/asexual) rights has become increasingly widespread, complaints about its inadequacy to address all types of sexuality and gender have arisen.  While the acronym is far more progressive than previous binaries of male/female and gay/straight, many still find the LGBQTIA spectrum to be too confining. In response, queer theory and sociology scholars have added a new letter to the acronym.  The symbol, which Gaucho Marks supercomputers can’t seem to process, represents a yet to be discovered sexuality, which scholars refuse to define or approximate for us.

“The point is that it’s signifying a new way to identify your sexuality—which is by not identifying with something that actually exists, a kind of non-identification; a nihilism of sexuality,” Queer Studies professor Iliana McCardish explained.

Students at UCSB and surrounding areas are already enthusiastic about the newly discovered letter. Third year History major Marco Avila, for example, is a firm believer. “I strongly identify with it. I’ve known all my life, but I just never had the courage to come out to my friends and family,” said Avila. “Now that the queer community has included me in its acronym, I feel like I have somewhere I belong.”

When asked to explain what exactly this sexual orientation entails, Avila became enraged. “How dare you put me in your sexuality box!” he cried. “I am who I am. It’s a mystery to all of us, and you won’t know what that means until we’re under covers!”

Supporters of the new letter and its corresponding identity have also started a meta-activism campaign within the LGBQTIA(?) community to have their identities portrayed by a pot of gold at the end of all rainbow signs and displays in public. If you see them on campus, make sure to stop by and express your support- just don’t inquire about any specifics.

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