Football Player Calls For Vegan Tortilla Throwing

Third year starting running back for the Argentinean Cowboys, Derek Gills, has requested that the team’s rabid fans only throw vegan, locally made tortillas onto the field during football games.“There are a lot of really great local companies that produce better, healthier tortillas. It’d be especially great if everyone could throw the gluten-free kind.” Said Gills, who does not suffer from celiac disease, or any other gluten-related condition. ” I know everyone loves the tradition, and we on the team do too! It really gets us pumped, and shows us how much you all care.” He continues, “But when we touch-down in the end zone, let’s get in touch with Mother Earth as well.” After finishing the interview, Gills put on his synthetic uniform and plastic, petroleum-based shoulder pads to head out onto the sponsor-laden field.

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