He’s the perfect candidate! Neither party can criticize him!

Gaucho Marks is pleased to announce our official endorsement of Benjamin Netanyahu for President of the United States of America. In today’s political climate, it’s more clear than ever that diplomacy is a lost art. Under Netanyahu’s leadership, we can keep it that way.

Over the past four years, the Biden-Harris administration has become increasingly scrutinized from both sides for their weak and non-committal leadership approach. Gaucho Marks believes that this country needs more strong-willed leaders like Bibi, who is not afraid to take direct political action, and who doesn’t negotiate with terrorists. Under Netanyahu’s leadership, we can be sure that our tax dollars will go toward something impactful.

We know what you’re thinking: How can Benjamin Netanyahu–who is not an American-born citizen–be eligible to run for Presidential office? To that we say: well, he lived here for a few years, so he has a historical connection to the land. This automatically grants him the right to rule according to the divine right of kings, and as such the pre-existing governmental rules need not apply.

Here’s what our staff members have to say about Bibi’s presidential campaign:

“Sure, Netanyahu may be a crazy yahoo, and sure, he’s going to oppress the hell out of everyone in this country, but at least we’ll finally start to see some change in this two-party system.”

“He’s done such a terrible job in the middle east, I don’t see how making him President could possibly be any worse.”

“Well, the US and Israel always vote ‘no’ together on UN resolutions for human rights, so they’re basically the same country anyways.”

“Who? Oh, sorry I don’t do politics. Wait, are you recording me? Is this live?”

“I’m not afraid to vote third-party this year. The Likud party’s platform may be controversial, but they’ve always been very reliable. I can’t think of a single time they’ve ever failed their citizens.”