Have you ever felt personally victimized by the confusing acronyms here at UCSB?
Gaucho Marks is here to help.
We know how hard it can be for silly freshmen or stupid transfers who are told to “meet at PSBN” but have no idea where that is and are too afraid to ask. Don’t worry, we’ve all been l there. After some deep diving and years of experience at UCSB, we know all the ins and outs of campus. These are what those acronyms truly mean.
- SBCC – Santa Barbara Chlamydia Club. A hellscape that breeds unfortunate species of highly-invasive frat boys and sorority girls. If you come into contact with someone from there, run the other way as fast as possible. They will steal your housing and give you HPV through their stare alone.
- FT – Little is it known of how, on Week 3 of Fall Quarter 2021, two freshmen were caught fucking in the day beds next to the pool right outside of FT. Yet another grand example of why FT remains and will forever be known as Fuck Towers. Stupid freshman.
- TBL – The Biggest Losers chapter at UCSB. A highly disputed club, as it promotes unhealthy body image standards while saying they promote healthy lifestyles. Also writes newspapers from time to time and posts biannual satire articles.
- IV – Invading Vaginas – It is not entirely known why this name came to be for the area surrounding UCSB – is it the sexual assaults that take place where unwanted things invade vaginas? Or is it because of the many loose women that come to the UCSB general locality to spread their infectious… enthusiasm? The world may never know.
- PSBN – Poindexter Snooty Burntout Nutsacks – Since you didn’t look up the definition of Poindexter here it is: a boringly studious and socially inept person. Just the type of people you may happen upon in the general vicinity of the PSBN.
- SRB – Student Resources Building. Please go if you need help of any kind. Don’t walk honey, RUN. They are located right next to Lot 22 and the pretty light-up tunnel.
- Their number is (805) 893-6076. The number for CARE: (805) 893-4613. Here’s the CAPS number while we’re at it: (805) 893-4411.
- HSSB – Hopefully Shut up Stupid Bleedingheartliberals. We’re liberals too, except for Gary, he’s a Libertarian and thinks we’re unrealistic. Fuck you, Gary. The type of people who overshare Instagram infographics, call it activism and call themselves empaths. 4/5 have an emotional support bong, a similar statistic to those of Gaucho Marks staff writers.
- SBSC – Spoiled Bitches Snortin’ Coke who sometimes go to the mountains to shotgun white claws, snowboard, and blackout later that night, and the next night, and probably the night after that too. Their livers are sobbing for help.
- APi – A (whole lot of girlies who) Pi (fart way too much). They do be stinking it up over there on Barc Del Norte. Maybe stop ordering the beans from Free Birds and try developing personalities, ladies.
- EC – Extroverted Cunts, previously known as the Excursion Club. This year, they decided to give themselves a more appropriate name. Worst part is, they probably have better mental health than we do.
- UCSB BBL – UCSB Beta Beta Lambda is the most important sorority at UCSB.
- ASPB – Asshole Students Pushing Badmusic. Need we say more?