By Terrance DuBois, Canadian Foreign Exchange Student Ok fine, I get it. I’m not from around here. I don’t talk like you guys, I don’t dress like you guys, and I don’t practice your same customs. But don’t get me… Read More ›
Month: October 2011
Fraternities Indicted in Elaborate Friend-Trafficking Scheme
In what appears to be a breakthrough in the case of a recent friend-trafficking scheme, UC Police have arrested over two hundred fraternity members since Tuesday. UCPD have issued an official statement regarding the arrests, which reads: “We had reason… Read More ›
Daily Nexus Revealed NOT to Be Satirical Newspaper
In a shocking upset for many fond readers of the Daily Nexus, the beloved campus newspaper was revealed not to be a satirical publication, and is intended to be a legitimate university newspaper. The realization was brought on by the… Read More ›
Undeclared Student Goes For Brief Jog around Lagoon
On Sunday October 30, undeclared first-year Ian Downing woke up uncharacteristically early with only one thought on his mind: to jog around the lagoon. Given that the fall months are bringing in the usual coastal fog, Downing’s motivation to lace… Read More ›
San Diego State Excitedly Prepares for Isla Vista Halloween
After nearly a year of growing anticipation and excitement, the students of San Diego State University once again began to prepare for Halloween in Isla Vista. “It’s such a heartwarming tradition,” said SDSU fourth year Karen Rozansky. “Around the middle… Read More ›
Manic Pixie Dream Girl Seeks Handsome Male Undergoing Quarter-Life Crisis
A Singles Ad by April Quisenberry Hey all, April here. As I’m sure you all know, I’m pretty quirky. I’m simply bubbling with enthusiasm for all things spontaneous and vivacious. Somehow, God also managed to make me strikingly… Read More ›
Student Claims Party ‘Not Chill’
Isla Vista, California. A party town; an oasis by the beach, infamous for its revelry. A town where women wander through the mist in skirts barely falling beneath their scapulae. A town where individuals spend hours thinking of alliterative excuses… Read More ›
Daily Nexus Satire Column Completely Goes Over Head of Satire Columnist
Though many students enjoy the subtle wit of Matt Renner’s weekly satire column in the Daily Nexus, satire columnist Matt Renner told reporters that the humor and subtext of his column has repeatedly escaped him. The column, which appears as… Read More ›
“Sand Castles” Now a Required Course for Medieval Studies Degree
On Wednesday morning, students enrolled in Professor Woolsworth’s upper-division Medieval Studies class gathered in a small room in the HSSB, seating themselves around a wide basin full of damp sand. The professor then filled an oddly shaped pale and place… Read More ›
Freshman Regrets UCSB Attendance after Revelation That “Psych” isn’t Actually Filmed in Santa Barbara
In a moment of sincere anguish and crushing disappointment, freshman Cory Edwards expressed his regret for attending UCSB after the revelation that the hit USA television series “Psych” is not actually filmed in Santa Barbara. “I feel like I’ve been… Read More ›
UC Tuition Hikes Raise Student Awareness of Money
In light of the recent increase in tuition rates, UCSB student awareness of the economic phenomenon known as “money” has spread exponentially. Students who were previously unaware of the unheard currency system have become more economically conscious in the wake… Read More ›
CCS Students Given Land, Serfs Upon Acceptance
In addition to priority class registration, elevated library privileges, and a higher unit cap, newly-admitted students to the College of Creative Studies will receive 100 acres of fertile land and a family of serfs as part of a new enrichment… Read More ›
