Halloween weekend is just twenty-four hours away, which means the wiser UCSB students and Isla Vista residents alike are preparing to make their getaway before getting stuck in the depraved pit of hell which I.V. transforms into annually. But while out-of-towners and city college kids are raging until either unconsciousness or police batons hit them first, where can the level-headed expect to find a place for a relaxing and enjoyable Halloween? Fear no more, because Gaucho Marks has you covered.

Ferguson, MO

Afraid that there won’t be enough of a police presence during Halloween? Well then pack your bags and head for the liveliest city in Missouri at the moment. Just don’t try to capture any precious moments with your camera, as this may or may not result in you being tear-gassed and detained in local facilities. Downtown is supposedly always a riot, so make sure to check out the crazy shenanigans and, if the inclination strikes, try your hand at looting a store or two with some of the local residents. You know, just to get a feel for how the typical out-of-towners in I.V. really experience Halloween.

Literally any other college town within 400 miles

These towns just outside of Isla Vista will become virtual ghost towns as soon as the weekend hits, since all their inhabitants will be invading ours. Kick back and take it easy in these temporarily empty locales. More likely than not you’ll find some abandoned weed and booze in some student housing which, by the end of the weekend, won’t be missed by its owner.

Las Vegas, NV

Isla Vista gets extra weird around this time, so go celebrate somewhere where weird is the norm. The desert, of course, is the original, most authentic epicenter which out-of-towners flock to and desecrate with abandon until the upcoming workweek.

Mexico

Experience the culture that I.V. residents can’t seem to get enough of (if Cinco de Mayo costume appropriations are any indication) firsthand. Think of it as the study abroad adventure you’ve always wanted to experience but have never gotten around to filling out the paperwork for.

Your mom’s house

Because if you’re going to risk being annoyed out of your mind this weekend, why not make that be with someone you’re familiar with. After all, you do have 4 missed calls from her and she’s been wondering how you’re doing lately. You might not end up getting the most shit-faced you’ve ever been this Halloween but you can always sneak some Bacardi from your folks’ liquor cabinet and avoid them for the rest of the night by pretending to be too engrossed in Facebook to talk to them.

The Pacific Ocean

If you’re feeling especially lazy but still dreading this weekend’s festivities, why not take the easy route and dive headfirst into the Pacific Ocean? We suggest using Campus Point, Coal Oil Point, or the Goleta Pier as easy jumping off points. Make sure to get a running start, then dive in and, once you reach the bottom, take a deep breath as the relief sets in. Trust us, you won’t hear any of the drunken shouting or incessant bass drops from 10,000 feet undersea.

Whatever your plans for Halloween may be, take advantage of this opportunity to travel for the weekend and experience something a little different from the stereotypical debauchery of Isla Vista.